We All Change....

In the last couple days I've sorted through and gotten rid of a bunch of stuff from my past. As a packrat, it's hard to say goodbye to perfectly useful stuff, but it's a healthy realization that, ultimately, it won't be me who will use it, and that's ok. I use the umbrella concept of "making room for the baby" as an easy way to explain my chuckage, but I know that isn't the real reason.

I'm giving away almost all of my collection of art/craft supplies. "Won't have much time for art when the baby comes," I tell myself and others. Bullshit. I haven't created anything in ages.

I'm throwing away a huge collection of articles I printed during my time in university, diligently kept and organized by topic and/or course, for useful reference when I do my masters. "Not sure I'll go back to school now, what with the baby coming," I tell myself. Bullshit. I knew long ago it wasn't a priority for me.

It's making me realize that I am more prepared for motherhood than I knew. My life the last few years has seen less wild parties and all-nighters, more quiet nights at home with a movie.

I'm not in anyway saying that parents have to be boring, in fact, quite the opposite. There's no reason that parents should have to give up their fun, their social life, their hobbies, for the pure fact that they are now "responsible parents." They should be honest with themselves and their children about who they are, not morph into some strange caricature of what they think a parent ought to be.

However, people do change over time, we all grow (hopefully), and for many (though not all), this may mean slowing down a little. Realizing that I was heading there before having my kid makes me hopeful that I won't become one of those bitter parents who blame their children for "taking away their freedom." Or worse yet, one of those martyr moms who bravely and proudly display all of the things they sacrificed for their children, making them into a boring one-dimensional human-type replicant who believes they exist for the soul purpose of procreation and child-rearing. Barf.

I am thrilled to become a mother. I can't wait for the positive ways that this life experience will change me, help me grow as a person. I am not, however, willing to only be a mother. I'm still me.