Ezri had her four month shots today. Poor girl was a wreck! Only got a little nap in before I had to wake her up to leave, so she was exhausted and hurty. Took forever to calm down but then slept (in the stroller! She never does that) for 3+ hours!
Doctor made me feel ten times better about everything. He didn't make a big deal out of co-sleeping, he didn't bat an eye when I told him about how often I feed her, and wasn't in the least concerned about her infrequent poops or her weight. According to his growth charts (I'm assuming the online ones were the old charts based on formula fed babies, I know they've been revised recently), she's actually 15th-25th percentile (not sure why the wide range), not 6th. He said she just seems like a tiny baby, that's just how she is. Put my mind at ease (and we all know what stress does to milk production!).
Unfortunately, he was unaware of the link between POS and low milk supply, but said that if I had to be on Domperidone as long as I was breast feeding, so be it. He also mentioned that she's likely going through a growth spurt right now (worse time possible to miss doses and mess up my supply), thus the extra hungriness. Recommended starting rice cereal in a month, which he said will help with her hunger and maybe even make it so I don't need to supplement because the calories I can't provide will be provided by the solids. But overall, the visit was very positive.
So screw that nurse yesterday. I'm doing just fine (thank you to those who provided me with encouraging messages, comments, and even phone calls after my last post!). I've decided to stick with a formula schedule, give her one bottle in the morning and one at night (at the breast first, of course), because those are her most crucial times (being well fed at those times sets the tone for the rest of the day/night). And hopefully (as I did tonight), that'll give me the opportunity to pump right after I put her down in order to get at least some expressed breast milk to use in the morning (which means less formula). The more I empty my breasts completely, the more milk I make!
Tonight was a strange night sleep wise. Because of her weird napping day, she was tired at about 5:30 (starting to get restless and cranky). I figured I may as well put her to bed, rather than do a late nap and an even later bedtime (late bedtimes, counterintuitively, do not mean I get to sleep in). Nursed her a bit, fell asleep, then failed hardcore at the crib transfer. She did what she did last night: kept turning her head into the pillow. Last night I gave her a bottle of formula (and managed to get a whopping three hours of sleep out of her before she woke up), so tonight I decided to fully wake her up, breast feed as much as I could, and give her another bottle. Brilliant! Full belly, I put her on the breast again to comfort nurse her to sleep and she wasn't really interested. Instead, she fixed her huge eyes on a spot on the curtains and slowly drifted off to sleep. I swear it was just a fluke, but at this point, I'll take whatever I can get!
Picked up another sleep book today, still have to write about the one I just finished. But that is for another time. Right now I'm relishing in the fact that I had the time (and energy) tonight to do some misc tidying and make myself a sandwich (no Lean Cuisines for this mama tonight!).
About Me
- Jen
- On my fourth day of maternity leave, I got bored. So I created this blog to reflect on the changes in my self and my life that my pregnancy has brought so far, as well as hopefully fill some days.
Thursday, May 26, 2011
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
The One About Milk
I debated if I wanted this post to be about the sleep book I just finished and some additional online reading I did on the whole "cry it out" debate, but I've decided to put that on pause for now and talk about something else.
As I've mentioned before, I have been taking medication (Domperidone) since Ezri was a week old to help with my milk production. In the whirlwind that is bringing home a new baby, it's possible that I wasn't feeding her as often as I should have in those first couple days, which likely contributed her her initial weight loss and eventual slow gain. But even once feeding was figured out, it was looking very likely that I had low milk production (it's one of those things that's really hard to tell, since you can't monitor how much your baby's getting as they drink). Her paediatrician prescribed it and I've been on it since.
I found out a month or so ago that there's a link between Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome and low milk supply, something which I've known I've had for a couple years now. I'm disappointed that my OB either didn't know of the link, or neglected to tell me, as I wasn't prepared for the heartbreak that accompanies not being able to fully feed my child. I had been hesitant to wean her off of the formula supplementation I'd been giving her, fearful of starving her. I got reassurance from her doctor and the health nurses that I should be able to with confidence (which I severely lacked). Eventually, we got so that she would sometimes only get it a couple times a week, sometimes not at all.
Recently, I've had a couple days of missed nighttime doses, in my sleepy haze of bedtime, forgetting to take them, forcing me to play catch-up the next morning. It's really affected my supply, and I'm back to supplementing one or two times a day. Add to that Ezri's "let's sleep at the boob and snack for the last two hours of sleep/during naps," and it's hard to tell if I have anything for her or not sometimes.
Compounding the issue is the fact that I feed her too often. Yes, I've recently discovered it is possible to feed a baby too often. As I said before, I've become a boob stuffer, and she loves to comfort nurse, so anytime she's crying or fussy and I can't get her to settle, I just stuff it! But this means that I'm producing a constant dribble instead of the rush that happens during a let-down. It's become a vicious cycle. Because of her slow weight gain in the beginning, I got so used to feeding her often (as recommended by her doctor and the nurses at the breast feeding clinics I would go to). Now that she's older, she doesn't need to be feeding as often, but she likes to, and I let her. Unfortunately: I feed her, but because I don't produce a lot, she's hungry sooner, but by then, my breasts aren't full from the last feed, which means she doesn't get much, which makes her hungrier sooner, etc.
I'm seeing her paediatrician tomorrow, so I'll ask him about how to solve this. I saw a health nurse at the breast feeding clinic today and instead of being sympathetic, I felt like she was just being critical of a) the fact that we co-sleep and b) that I feed her so often. She didn't take into account what I told her about low milk supply, she simply scolded me for nursing her to sleep and letting her comfort suck. I have previously had good experiences going to these clinics but I left this one feeling shameful, like a bad mother. The opposite of what I needed.
There's a certain grief that exists when a mother has low milk supply. I didn't know how to explain it until I read this article. It says:
"Mothers experiencing supply issues are frequently grieving the loss of exclusive breastfeeding. Mothers who are unable to feed at the breast sometimes say that they feel as they are grieving a death. These mothers are often frustrated that their family and friends are not sensitive to their mourning process."
Finally! Someone understands. When I was first told that I needed to supplement with formula, I was devastated. I knew it wasn't within my control, but I felt like a bad mother, like I had done something wrong that I couldn't provide for my baby. Luckily I can produce some. But it's becoming more and more clear that it simply isn't enough, and it likely never will be.
I'm very curious as to what her doctor says tomorrow about her weight. I weighed her at the breast feeding clinic today, 12lbs 4oz. According to an online growth calculator, that puts her in the 6th percentile, down quite a bit from her 2 month visit (she was 25th, if I recall correctly). The doctor had said that it wasn't the percentile itself that's important, but that she stays in one and follows the growth curve. Clearly, she isn't. Add to that my existing concerns about having enough milk, and it makes me a nervous mom! Stress isn't good for milk production though, so I try to take it all as it comes.
As I finish this post, Ezri is laying next to me at the breast, trying to fall asleep. Again. She took more than a half hour to get into the crib and lasted not even that. Bah.
As I've mentioned before, I have been taking medication (Domperidone) since Ezri was a week old to help with my milk production. In the whirlwind that is bringing home a new baby, it's possible that I wasn't feeding her as often as I should have in those first couple days, which likely contributed her her initial weight loss and eventual slow gain. But even once feeding was figured out, it was looking very likely that I had low milk production (it's one of those things that's really hard to tell, since you can't monitor how much your baby's getting as they drink). Her paediatrician prescribed it and I've been on it since.
I found out a month or so ago that there's a link between Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome and low milk supply, something which I've known I've had for a couple years now. I'm disappointed that my OB either didn't know of the link, or neglected to tell me, as I wasn't prepared for the heartbreak that accompanies not being able to fully feed my child. I had been hesitant to wean her off of the formula supplementation I'd been giving her, fearful of starving her. I got reassurance from her doctor and the health nurses that I should be able to with confidence (which I severely lacked). Eventually, we got so that she would sometimes only get it a couple times a week, sometimes not at all.
Recently, I've had a couple days of missed nighttime doses, in my sleepy haze of bedtime, forgetting to take them, forcing me to play catch-up the next morning. It's really affected my supply, and I'm back to supplementing one or two times a day. Add to that Ezri's "let's sleep at the boob and snack for the last two hours of sleep/during naps," and it's hard to tell if I have anything for her or not sometimes.
Compounding the issue is the fact that I feed her too often. Yes, I've recently discovered it is possible to feed a baby too often. As I said before, I've become a boob stuffer, and she loves to comfort nurse, so anytime she's crying or fussy and I can't get her to settle, I just stuff it! But this means that I'm producing a constant dribble instead of the rush that happens during a let-down. It's become a vicious cycle. Because of her slow weight gain in the beginning, I got so used to feeding her often (as recommended by her doctor and the nurses at the breast feeding clinics I would go to). Now that she's older, she doesn't need to be feeding as often, but she likes to, and I let her. Unfortunately: I feed her, but because I don't produce a lot, she's hungry sooner, but by then, my breasts aren't full from the last feed, which means she doesn't get much, which makes her hungrier sooner, etc.
I'm seeing her paediatrician tomorrow, so I'll ask him about how to solve this. I saw a health nurse at the breast feeding clinic today and instead of being sympathetic, I felt like she was just being critical of a) the fact that we co-sleep and b) that I feed her so often. She didn't take into account what I told her about low milk supply, she simply scolded me for nursing her to sleep and letting her comfort suck. I have previously had good experiences going to these clinics but I left this one feeling shameful, like a bad mother. The opposite of what I needed.
There's a certain grief that exists when a mother has low milk supply. I didn't know how to explain it until I read this article. It says:
"Mothers experiencing supply issues are frequently grieving the loss of exclusive breastfeeding. Mothers who are unable to feed at the breast sometimes say that they feel as they are grieving a death. These mothers are often frustrated that their family and friends are not sensitive to their mourning process."
Finally! Someone understands. When I was first told that I needed to supplement with formula, I was devastated. I knew it wasn't within my control, but I felt like a bad mother, like I had done something wrong that I couldn't provide for my baby. Luckily I can produce some. But it's becoming more and more clear that it simply isn't enough, and it likely never will be.
I'm very curious as to what her doctor says tomorrow about her weight. I weighed her at the breast feeding clinic today, 12lbs 4oz. According to an online growth calculator, that puts her in the 6th percentile, down quite a bit from her 2 month visit (she was 25th, if I recall correctly). The doctor had said that it wasn't the percentile itself that's important, but that she stays in one and follows the growth curve. Clearly, she isn't. Add to that my existing concerns about having enough milk, and it makes me a nervous mom! Stress isn't good for milk production though, so I try to take it all as it comes.
As I finish this post, Ezri is laying next to me at the breast, trying to fall asleep. Again. She took more than a half hour to get into the crib and lasted not even that. Bah.
Sunday, May 22, 2011
The Chronicles Continue
So I went to Chapter's today to pick up a book that was recommended by a bunch of the anti-cry-it-out (CIO) websites, The No-Cry Sleep Solution. After a quick skim, it was clear that the book was essentially the same as everything I've been reading online that I've already found to not be particularly useful. Also, she's described as a "mother and author," which pretty much tells me that she's just another opinions in a sea of opinions.
I eventually came across a book called Bed Timing: The "When-To" Guide To Help Your Child Sleep. It's written by a couple, both child psychologists (and parents), specializing in behavioural and developmental psychology (the one is also a professor of neuroscience). They talk about how the "how" of sleep training (which they broadly define in order to include non-CIO methods such as No-Cry) is less important than the "when," explaining how the developmental stages of infants and young children make certain ages ripe for training, and others doomed for failure.
I'm enjoying it so far. The introduction got me immediately, talking about how so many approaches make parents feel guilty for putting their own sleep needs ahead of their children's. They stress that a good parent is a well rested parent, and we have to do what we can to have the happiest and healthiest household possible.
The book is somewhat academic, in that it doesn't rely heavily on anecdotal evidence, but rather charts, in detail, developmental stages and (briefly) describes research supporting their claims. I think this is why I connect with the book; I'm a science minded person and require credible evidence to make a compelling case. We'll see how useful it ultimately ends up being, but at the very least, it will give me some insight into how babies' brains develop, which in and of itself is interesting and valuable.
That being said, today was a crappy day on the sleep front. Crappy naps, failed bedtime, and an eventual very late sleep. Put her down in her crib at 10pm. Wrote this, now I'm going to bed (only to likely be woken up in an hour or two).
Blarg.
I eventually came across a book called Bed Timing: The "When-To" Guide To Help Your Child Sleep. It's written by a couple, both child psychologists (and parents), specializing in behavioural and developmental psychology (the one is also a professor of neuroscience). They talk about how the "how" of sleep training (which they broadly define in order to include non-CIO methods such as No-Cry) is less important than the "when," explaining how the developmental stages of infants and young children make certain ages ripe for training, and others doomed for failure.
I'm enjoying it so far. The introduction got me immediately, talking about how so many approaches make parents feel guilty for putting their own sleep needs ahead of their children's. They stress that a good parent is a well rested parent, and we have to do what we can to have the happiest and healthiest household possible.
The book is somewhat academic, in that it doesn't rely heavily on anecdotal evidence, but rather charts, in detail, developmental stages and (briefly) describes research supporting their claims. I think this is why I connect with the book; I'm a science minded person and require credible evidence to make a compelling case. We'll see how useful it ultimately ends up being, but at the very least, it will give me some insight into how babies' brains develop, which in and of itself is interesting and valuable.
That being said, today was a crappy day on the sleep front. Crappy naps, failed bedtime, and an eventual very late sleep. Put her down in her crib at 10pm. Wrote this, now I'm going to bed (only to likely be woken up in an hour or two).
Blarg.
Friday, May 20, 2011
Elusive Baby Sleep
And so the adventure continues....
We've had a few big nighttime routine fails. One night we didn't have any cold water so I had to boil three kettles worth for her bath, meanwhile she's hanging out on the bathroom floor. Then she managed to pull out the plug mid-bath and water starts leaking all over the floor. Then I decided to change the bedtime routine because while she's relaxed in the bath, getting out of the bath is less than fun for her. So let's replace it with some naked time on the floor, maybe a little massage. Even got some lavender lotion. Fail. She was overtired and just screamed.
BUT last night she stayed down her longest stint yet, 2 and a half hours. I've been putting her to sleep in the chair, down in the crib, then doing one more wake up, putting her down in the bassinet, then bringing her to bed. She usually lasts 1.5-2 hours the first time and anywhere from 0.5-1.5 hours the second time. By then, I'm so exhausted, I just can't do it again (since we're usually in the rocking chair for 0.5-1 hour each time to get her asleep enough to put down).
It's been trying, to say the least. During her morning nap today she didn't even make it to the crib. The second I put her down, she woke up. Then I tried a second time, woke up right away. Finally I just needed her to sleep so I sat with her in the chair for the remainder of the nap.
It's hard because at least before I could hang out with her in the living room, watch some TV. Now I'm just bored in the bedroom, tied to the damned chair for however long it takes to get her to sleep. I'm still not entirely sure how I'm going to transition away from nursing her to sleep. It inhibits what we can do too, going out is hard because she won't fall asleep in the stroller anymore, no matter how tired she is. Yesterday I had to sit with her on a bench at the mall for over an hour while she napped on me under the nursing cover. Luckily I was hanging out with another mom who understood what I was going through!
Two separate people in my life right now have just started "Crying It Out" (CIO). Both are having great success with it three days in. I'm still on the fence. I see it as a last resort. Most tips I've gotten for putting babies down aren't super helpful.
"Put them down while they're drowsy, but still awake." Ok, so then what do I do when she (inevitably) starts crying (aka immediately). Her eyes snap open and all my "getting her drowsy" work goes out the window.
What scared the shit out of me with the CIO is the claim that sleep training causes brain damage and other horrible claims that test the limits of parental guilt for even considering it. Then my sister directed me to this great article. I agree that if science is to be used to substantiate emotional claims, it'd better be accurate, rather than extrapolation, conjecture, and in some cases, just plain wishful thinking. Letting your child cry for hours clearly isn't ideal: find me one parent who decided that this was a good first choice (who isn't otherwise neglectful or abusive). But for some kids (like my nephew), it turned into a last choice, and one that's working.
I'm still just in the beginning stages of Ezri's new sleep routine, so we'll see how it goes. Right now, nap #2 of the day is in progress and she's in the crib. For now.
That's what it always seems to be... "Ezri's asleep.... for now."
We've had a few big nighttime routine fails. One night we didn't have any cold water so I had to boil three kettles worth for her bath, meanwhile she's hanging out on the bathroom floor. Then she managed to pull out the plug mid-bath and water starts leaking all over the floor. Then I decided to change the bedtime routine because while she's relaxed in the bath, getting out of the bath is less than fun for her. So let's replace it with some naked time on the floor, maybe a little massage. Even got some lavender lotion. Fail. She was overtired and just screamed.
BUT last night she stayed down her longest stint yet, 2 and a half hours. I've been putting her to sleep in the chair, down in the crib, then doing one more wake up, putting her down in the bassinet, then bringing her to bed. She usually lasts 1.5-2 hours the first time and anywhere from 0.5-1.5 hours the second time. By then, I'm so exhausted, I just can't do it again (since we're usually in the rocking chair for 0.5-1 hour each time to get her asleep enough to put down).
It's been trying, to say the least. During her morning nap today she didn't even make it to the crib. The second I put her down, she woke up. Then I tried a second time, woke up right away. Finally I just needed her to sleep so I sat with her in the chair for the remainder of the nap.
It's hard because at least before I could hang out with her in the living room, watch some TV. Now I'm just bored in the bedroom, tied to the damned chair for however long it takes to get her to sleep. I'm still not entirely sure how I'm going to transition away from nursing her to sleep. It inhibits what we can do too, going out is hard because she won't fall asleep in the stroller anymore, no matter how tired she is. Yesterday I had to sit with her on a bench at the mall for over an hour while she napped on me under the nursing cover. Luckily I was hanging out with another mom who understood what I was going through!
Two separate people in my life right now have just started "Crying It Out" (CIO). Both are having great success with it three days in. I'm still on the fence. I see it as a last resort. Most tips I've gotten for putting babies down aren't super helpful.
"Put them down while they're drowsy, but still awake." Ok, so then what do I do when she (inevitably) starts crying (aka immediately). Her eyes snap open and all my "getting her drowsy" work goes out the window.
What scared the shit out of me with the CIO is the claim that sleep training causes brain damage and other horrible claims that test the limits of parental guilt for even considering it. Then my sister directed me to this great article. I agree that if science is to be used to substantiate emotional claims, it'd better be accurate, rather than extrapolation, conjecture, and in some cases, just plain wishful thinking. Letting your child cry for hours clearly isn't ideal: find me one parent who decided that this was a good first choice (who isn't otherwise neglectful or abusive). But for some kids (like my nephew), it turned into a last choice, and one that's working.
I'm still just in the beginning stages of Ezri's new sleep routine, so we'll see how it goes. Right now, nap #2 of the day is in progress and she's in the crib. For now.
That's what it always seems to be... "Ezri's asleep.... for now."
Monday, May 16, 2011
Adventures in Sleep
Haven't posted in a while. Been busy with what I'm now sure is a slightly colicky and teething baby. Barf.
Had our first big travel adventure to visit family in Regina. Ezri flew surprisingly well!! Slept almost the entire way back, just a big fussy during take-off both ways, but overall I got to avoid the "Why don't you shut that damned kid up" looks. Yay!
Right now our big challenge is sleep. We've been co-sleeping and overall have gotten Ezri into some pretty bad sleep habits. There's nothing "bad" about co-sleeping in and of itself, but it's balls as far as intimacy goes. The other thing I end up doing is sleeping pretty much all night with my boob in her mouth (ditto for naps on the couch), being used as a human pacifier (stupid kid still won't take a soother). As fun as that is (it isn't), she'll be 4 months in a couple of days and I think it's about time we work towards changing that. I don't expect it to come quickly, nor easily, which is why I'm starting now, while it's still not a "problem," exactly, but could become so in the future.
Like I said, it's isn't co-sleeping that's the problem, it's a) her inability to fall asleep without nursing, b) her inability to stay asleep without nursing. She's a pretty restless sleeper, wakes herself up all the time by smacking herself in the face with her hands. And there's no "waking up a bit" with this kid. Once her eyes open, she's totally awake, and considering how long it takes to get her to sleep, doing it a million times a night has not been something I'm interested in.
We have been doing what works. Meaning what's easiest for us. Co-sleeping means I get sleep, it means she gets sleep, it means my husband gets sleep. But it won't (can't) work forever and now is a good a time as any to start the long journey towards crib sleeping. I have complete respect for those families who, either out of necessity or choice, co-sleep for months, even years, but it's not exactly for me.
What I'm starting is a bedtime routine. Essentially using classical conditioning, associating various things with sleep, so that eventually I can remove the nursing element and still be able to get her to sleep. We start with a bath (with calming lavender), move into her room lights low, and nurse her while rocking in the chair. I'm also putting her to bed with the same stuffed animal (it's one of those small blanket creatures with a head and little nubblies on the corners; this one is a green rabbit), so she can associate the feel of it with comfort (she often reaches up at my breast while nursing to fall asleep, stroking it; this is giving her a new thing to stroke so that someone else can put her to bed). Once I acquire some lullaby MP3s, I'll incorporate music into this routine, which is likely to be the strongest association, assuming I stick with the same music each night (or rotate two or three albums).
Sounds like my baby is a psych project.... and I suppose she kind of is. My paper will be entitled "How to Raise a Functional Human." I hope I pass!!
Wish us luck in our bedtime endeavours. Lord knows we'll need it.
Had our first big travel adventure to visit family in Regina. Ezri flew surprisingly well!! Slept almost the entire way back, just a big fussy during take-off both ways, but overall I got to avoid the "Why don't you shut that damned kid up" looks. Yay!
Right now our big challenge is sleep. We've been co-sleeping and overall have gotten Ezri into some pretty bad sleep habits. There's nothing "bad" about co-sleeping in and of itself, but it's balls as far as intimacy goes. The other thing I end up doing is sleeping pretty much all night with my boob in her mouth (ditto for naps on the couch), being used as a human pacifier (stupid kid still won't take a soother). As fun as that is (it isn't), she'll be 4 months in a couple of days and I think it's about time we work towards changing that. I don't expect it to come quickly, nor easily, which is why I'm starting now, while it's still not a "problem," exactly, but could become so in the future.
Like I said, it's isn't co-sleeping that's the problem, it's a) her inability to fall asleep without nursing, b) her inability to stay asleep without nursing. She's a pretty restless sleeper, wakes herself up all the time by smacking herself in the face with her hands. And there's no "waking up a bit" with this kid. Once her eyes open, she's totally awake, and considering how long it takes to get her to sleep, doing it a million times a night has not been something I'm interested in.
We have been doing what works. Meaning what's easiest for us. Co-sleeping means I get sleep, it means she gets sleep, it means my husband gets sleep. But it won't (can't) work forever and now is a good a time as any to start the long journey towards crib sleeping. I have complete respect for those families who, either out of necessity or choice, co-sleep for months, even years, but it's not exactly for me.
What I'm starting is a bedtime routine. Essentially using classical conditioning, associating various things with sleep, so that eventually I can remove the nursing element and still be able to get her to sleep. We start with a bath (with calming lavender), move into her room lights low, and nurse her while rocking in the chair. I'm also putting her to bed with the same stuffed animal (it's one of those small blanket creatures with a head and little nubblies on the corners; this one is a green rabbit), so she can associate the feel of it with comfort (she often reaches up at my breast while nursing to fall asleep, stroking it; this is giving her a new thing to stroke so that someone else can put her to bed). Once I acquire some lullaby MP3s, I'll incorporate music into this routine, which is likely to be the strongest association, assuming I stick with the same music each night (or rotate two or three albums).
Sounds like my baby is a psych project.... and I suppose she kind of is. My paper will be entitled "How to Raise a Functional Human." I hope I pass!!
Wish us luck in our bedtime endeavours. Lord knows we'll need it.
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