Screams and Star Wars

Ezri's new thing is screaming. Shrieking, in fact. She screams when she's happy, she screams when she's upset, it's brutal. It's not like she's a 3 year old that you can talk to, ask to stop, or discipline. She's 7 months old, and all you can really do is let her shriek. It is the highest pitched and most piercing shrill cry I have ever heard.

She's "exploring sound." Ya, let's go with that.

The last couple days have been especially hard. I feel like I'm back four months ago. She's been puking a ton more, shrieking, not letting me put her down, crying the second I leave her sight, breast feeding constantly. It seems like her stomach's been giving her some trouble, but I can't figure out exactly what caused it. Maybe it's just a growth spurt, who knows.

In other news, Ezri had two important firsts. But important from different parental standpoints. Important to me: First Cracker! (Baby Mum-Mum, actually) It was her first finger food (although she tried bananas as finger food, she had less than minimal success, so I don't really count that), and she did well! Important to her father: First Star Wars! I'm rewatching the originals, and she "watched" one with me today. Josh thought it was quite momentous, demanded I take a picture of her watching (which, of course, I did).

Different perspectives, different priorities.

Fabulous Times

My dad was visiting this past week and a bit, fabulous times with Ezri and her Grandpa! We went to the Pride Parade, Granville Island, did some shopping, but mostly just hung out and had fun.

Last weekend I actually go to go out. Like out out. To a party and everything. I put her to bed before we left, and my dad stayed with her while Josh and I attended a birthday party. He didn't hear a peep out of her! It was a little brutal though, I drank a bit much, and she was up at 7am. I couldn't breastfeed (because I wasn't feeling 100%) so I pumped and dumped, giving her formula. It was so sad, because normally I can only get a few ounces, but because it was morning time, I was full and got a whole bottle's worth! It hurt having to pour it away!

I see why parents don't party, fuuuuuuck. I was so tired and out of it the next day. Baby is up when baby is up. I say, if you're going to get a babysitter, get them to stay over night and look after the squirt in the morning too. HA! Best idea ever. It'd better be something really good to make it worthwhile.

In sleep news, Ezri continues to amaze me every day. This morning she almost fell asleep on the livingroom floor while we watched The National, passed right out after being put in the crib. She's also more likely to fall asleep in the stroller (though not for long), which helps to not feel tied to the house a good chunk of the day.

Hooray for fun weeks!

Week End Review

Today is officially one week since we started our sleep training adventure (well, technically tonight), so I thought I'd overview how things went:

Brilliant.

We had another couple nights of sleeping straight through, and last night she fussed at 5am for maybe 5 minutes and went back to sleep without being checked on. Her nighttime going to sleep is virtually tearless (she cries for like three seconds, turns over and sleeps), ditto with her morning nap. Her afternoons are still a little rough (two failed nap attempts yesterday, but a good 2.5 hour morning nap), but she's learning!

I reeeeeallllly like having my nights back. And my bed back! It's a little difficult to get up earlier (I'm one of those people who require quite a bit of sleep), but it's an okay trade off. I have to admit though, I do miss the closeness of having her nap on me, getting to watch her sleep, cuddling with that tiny creature. Just means I have to make more of the awake time!  I'd call the training phase over, now we're onto the "this is just how things are" phase. Hooray!

In other news: did her Upper GI test on Wednesday at Children's Hospital. After waiting around for 45 minutes, they came and told me the Dr would be "occupied" for the next hour (lunch break?!) so to come back. She hadn't eaten at that point for almost 4 hours! :( Luckily she slept in the stroller for most of the time we were waiting around.

Finally got into the exam room and it wasn't as traumatic as I thought. They had the cutest little baby-sized hospital gowns, put her on a table and lowered the live x-ray over her. They turned her on her side and got her to drink some barium and sugar water (gross) and watched it go down, then watched it drain from her stomach. They then got her to drink some on her back. I got to watch the monitor too (it was right next to the bed) which was pretty nifty. There were two women with the Dr whose job it was to distract the baby (fun job!).

The conclusion was that everything is anatomically normal: no issues with her stomach (her dad has a hiatal hernia), nothing wrong with her colon, and she swallows just fine. He definitely saw reflux (the barium went back up before it went down), but nothing serious. Yay! She drank the barium like a champ, only panicked slightly when the machine was raised up and down, and didn't cry at all :)

So that's that. Friday now, an eventful week. My dad's in town visiting, it's a long weekend, and we might even have a nice day or two coming up. Huzzah!

Sleep Training: Night #4

The last couple days were kind of rough. Ezri was absolutely fighting her afternoon naps with every fiber in her being. We had multiple failed nap attempts (the book suggests calling the nap off if they aren't asleep after a half hour) and many instances of teetering on the brink of sleep in dad's arms then freaking out when put down. Her morning naps are freaky easy, and today was better than Saturday or Sunday, but the afternoons that are brutal. At least today she actually slept, but after 20 minutes of crying and only for a half hour.

BUT she just went down for the night with zero tears. Just rolled over and went to sleep. Love it. She also slept through the night again (so two out of three nights!), waking up briefly once for less than ten minutes (didn't even get checking on her). Up for the day at 7:15am.

My breasts are still getting used to not feeding at night, barf. This morning, because she's a nice little girl, she decided to kick my one (sore and engorged) breast while feeding on the other. Bitch.

Overall, I'd call our sleep training a success. They say by day 4, things should be relatively settled, and I'd say other than our rough afternoon naps, it's pretty settled. Baby girl's textbook! I would definitely recommend this process for parents, it really wasn't as bad as I expected, and once you get past the self-imposed guilt, it's worth it to give your baby the skills to fall asleep on their own.

Side note:
Got a call from BC Women and Children's Hospital today, we're going in for Ezri's upper GI thingy on Wednesday. And my papa bear gets here tomorrow!! Hooray! Busy week.

The Adventures in Sleep Continue

It's official. My child is incredible.

Well, not like I didn't know that already. But now it's just offical.

The rest of the day yesterday was pretty harsh. She slept for about an hour in the morning, which was good, but then had a 20 minute doze in the stroller in the early afternoon, resisted her proper afternoon nap with a bunch of crying (eventually fell asleep, but didn't stay down long), and then even had a short fourth nap around 6pm (we just couldn't keep her awake). She was cranky and overtired from short naps (an infant's sleep cycle is 50 minutes, any less than that in a single stretch and they aren't properly rested).

She was in a pretty good mood after her early evening nap, so I kept her up for a while. Daddy did bath, I nursed her, we sang some songs and read some books as a family on the floor, then dad put her down (it was his turn to put her down and do night wakings). Not a single peep from this child. Not a one. Asleep in the corner of her crib.

I'd say dad got off easy!

She woke up around 1:20am and I figured I'd leave her for a few, and if she was still awake, I'd feed her. Well, she went right back to sleep! Only a minute of crying, then we didn't hear from her again until 6am. She fussed a bit, but I didn't go to her right away, and managed to get another 45 minutes from her.

Up a little early, but I'd say night #2 was a huge success! Woohoo!! My breasts, however, were not as pleased as I was. They were rock hard, definitely not used to not feeding at night.

She was cranky at first waking, but overall in a good mood this morning, much better than yesterday. She's asleep napping now, went down with maybe 30 seconds of fussing (mostly because I had to take her off the breast, as she was falling asleep while nursing).

So ya, my baby's awesome. I'm so glad I waited to do this, though. I feel like a month ago it would have been another story entirely. She was definitely ready and I am tres happy.

I know I'm not out of the woods yet. Yesterday's first nap was easy too, so we'll see how the rest of the day goes (hopefully not doing a short stroller nap will help her sleep longer at her afternoon nap).

Big 'ole w00t w00t!!

Night #1 = WIN

We did it. We survived Night #1 of sleep training.

Here's the breakdown of the night: we started bedtime later than usual. Ferber recommends putting the child to bed at the latest point they fall asleep (so even if bedtime is 7, if she doesn't usually fall asleep til 8, start it at 8). I was waiting for Josh to get home from work (I know I couldn't have done it on my own) so it was even later than I had wanted, but it assured she was good and tired (but surprisingly not overtired). Fed her at 8. Bath just before 9, some songs on the floor, dad walked in right before I started books, so he joined us for stories. Then into bed she went!

She didn't start crying right away, she lay quietly for about 5 minutes, then started whimpering. Night 1 check-ins are as follows: after 3 minutes, 5 minutes, 7 minutes, then it maxes out at 10. We didn't even make the 7 minute check-in. She was asleep after only two check ins! Asleep by 9:50.

First wake-up was around 2:20am. I had told myself that I wasn't going to cut out her nighttime feedings cold turkey, so I fed her at this waking. 10 minutes later, put her into bed still awake. The night is a bit of a haze so I can't remember if I did no check-ins or just one, but regardless of the specifics, it was quick! Minimal crying, out like a light.

Second wake-up was shortly after 5am. The book had mentioned that a wake up around 5 or 6 rarely results in them going back to sleep, so to just get them up for the day then. But my child is a bit of a late riser, and we went to bed super late, so I was fairly certain I could get her back to sleep. I had to fight every urge in my body not to just pull her into bed with me, but we did it. Once again, didn't even make it to the 7 minute check-in!

However this time was kind of weird. I was concerned about the 5am wake up, because she often has a period at night between 5 and 6 that she's awake in bed, so even though she wasn't crying, I went in to check on her after about 10 minutes anyways. Sure enough, she was awake! Just lying there, legs splayed in little froggy pose, just staring at her mobile. I left her, and checked again in another 10 minutes. Still awake. This time she noticed me, head snapped in my direction, but I snuck out and she didn't utter a peep. I didn't check again after that, so I have no idea when she actually fell asleep.

She was up for the day at 7:30, which really isn't too bad (we're usually up around 8 anyways). Breast fed, solids, playtime. I was holding her and she seemed to be reaching for my breast, so I fed her again around 9, at which point she started to get dozy, so I took her to her bedroom, turned her music on, and popped her into bed. She whimpered when I first put her in, but I said goodnight, kissed her on the forehead, and left. Not a single tear was shed, and like magic, she was asleep.

I'm currently sitting here in slight disbelief at how easy naptime was. This is what I was fearing the most, as my sister has had all kinds of trouble with naps (even though nighttime sleep training went well). It was likely mostly because she was exhausted from the less than usual sleep last night, but still. I'll take victories wherever I can get them!

As a side note, Ezri had her 6 month Dr's appointment. Only one needle this time! Her doctor is fairly sure she has reflux though, as her spitting up as gotten worse, rather than better, over the last couple months. Given Josh's medical history (all kinds of gastrointestinal issues) he's ordered an upper GI test for her to make sure she doesn't have any breathing or swallowing obstructions. He asked me if she seemed otherwise happy, to wich I said yes (that's just what you say, right? How are you? I'm fine. You don't really think about it), which is kinda not true. She's pretty fussy overall, though I suppose not unhappy. But fussiness is a symptom of reflux. He didn't prescribe anything, but we'll assess things futher at her follow up.

So that's that. Sleep training started, not nearly as scary as I though it'd be. I'm definitely glad to have chosen the Ferber Method rather than the full on cry-it-out. Fingers crossed tonight goes as well!!

The One About Sleep

So I'm finally getting around to writing about the reading I did on sleep stuff. I do this now because we (read: I) have decided to start our process on Friday. Eeep!! I'm very nervous, but I know we'll get through it, Ezri with a new skill (falling asleep on her own) and me with a little more time to myself each day.

The first book I read was called Bed Timing, and the entire premise of the book was that there are certain periods within the first four years of a child's life that are more conducive to undergoing some form or another of sleep training than others. It describes what is going on developmentally within these various ages, what the emotional consequences are of these developmental stages, and what that means for sleep training. It then goes on to describe the most common forms of training (including the no-cry method).

What I got out of this book was a) a lot of fabulously interesting developmental information, b) the suggestion to wait until 6 months when a good window opens up (actually, the best window), and c) a sense of ease that I am not a bad parent for thinking of my own sanity when it comes to my child's sleep habits.

What I mean by that is that in doing reading on infant sleep, the whole "no-cry" camp was making me feel terribly guilty about not wanting to co-sleep forever and about thinking that maybe, just maybe, crying wasn't going to kill my child. I ended up coming across a few articles online putting into question some of the fundamental Searsian assumptions about crying and the effects of sleep training (and by fundamental, I mean basic arguments made by this camp; not necessarily common in the general population). I recommend reading the first link, this author actually contacted the authors of a couple of the studies that Sears frequently uses to ask them if the conclusions being drawn from their study are accurate. Guess what. They said no way.

What it comes down to is: will letting my child cry for a couple hours a night for a few nights harm her? The answer: not likely. The studies cited to "prove" this are mostly on crying in cases of severe abuse and/or neglect. If crying itself caused the damage, children with colic would all have brain damage, which is simply not the case.

What I needed to do was hear that I wasn't a terrible mother for choosing anything other than attachment parenting principles when dealing with my child's sleep issues. They're like religious fanatics, these people: their way is the right way, and anyone who doesn't adhere is going to Bad Parent Hell. It made me frustrated, their advice was not helpful, and all it did was make me feel shitty. Once I let that go, stopped letting them judge me, I was able to learn more about sleep itself.

I ended up reading Dr Richard Ferber's book, Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems (he's no-cry's devil). This guy is the director of The Centre for Paediatric Sleep Disorders at the Children's Hospital Boston, so he knows a thing or two about sleep. The book was incredibly detailed: it outlined how sleep works, how the brain works while it's sleeping, how children's sleep differs from adults, and even covered topics such as sleepwalking, night terrors, and bed wetting (it'll be a good one to keep around, for sure). He outlines, in an easy to follow way, what has become known as "The Ferber Method."

The Ferber Method is essentially a method of progressive waiting. You leave the child for 3 minutes, come and comfort them, leave them for 5, comfort them, etc, until they fall asleep, ending with leaving them for no more than a certain amount at a time. The next night you start at 5 minutes, etc. The idea is to allow the child the opportunity to learn to fall asleep on their own, while still supporting them and letting them know that you haven't abandoned them. Within 3-7 nights, the child is able to sleep on their own.

The way he describes sleep props really got to me (Ezri's sleep prop is nursing, and sometimes, if I'm lucky, being bounced by papa). He says, listen: imagine you go to sleep every night the same way. You brush your teeth, you change into your PJs, you wash your face, you get into bed with your pillow and your blanket, and drift off. In the middle of the night, just as your sleep cycle touches the edge of consciousness (which we all do, many times a night), you realize that your pillow is gone! Someone has snuck in and taken your pillow away! They do this every night, and you get so flustered (you need that to sleep!) that you start resisting sleep. Now imagine that you can't speak or leave your room to go look for that pillow. How frustrating would that be?! That's what it's like for a child to wake up without something they went to sleep with (soother, breast, rocking, music, whatever).

Now imagine that instead of waking up without your pillow, you went to sleep in your bed and woke up in the garage! How disorienting! That's what it's like for children to fall asleep in mom's arms and wake up in the crib.

I'm doing this for Ezri as much (more!) than I'm doing it for me. Yes, I'm done co-sleeping. Yes, I'd like my evenings to get to *gasp* spend with my husband. Yes, I'd like to be able to put the dishes away while she naps. But more than that, I want her to have this skill. I'd rather not have her be 3+ years old, still getting frustrated that she's tired but can't fulfill that need on her own.